Changing Careers, Chasing Belonging
The powerful urge to belong in the workplace is something we all experience.
Last year, at my old company, I was fortunate enough to emcee an event focused on the topic of “belonging”. I was on a committee for the LEAD by Women employee resource group (ERG) and we had enlisted the talents of Roy Gluckman, a fabulous speaker, to tune in virtually from his native South Africa and deliver the keynote for the day.
Roy presented “belonging”, generally, as something that we as humans seek naturally; the innate desire within us to find safety, to find comfort in the spaces in which we inhabit. His use of the word “spaces” was intentional, as “spaces” can be created through various means. Organizations provide a space of collaboration towards a common goal, working towards whatever that organization is looking to achieve. And, whenever we join an organization, Roy surmised, we are immediately looking for how we need to act in order to belong.
One of his main points, I remember, is that a human’s desire to belong is so strong that we will automatically tune our behaviors towards belonging. Many of us, upon joining a group or organization, will change how we act based on our perceptions of what is expected and accepted. Like a radar pinpointing an object’s exact location, we will affix ourselves towards behaviors that allow us to fit in, regardless of whether or not those behaviors are true expressions of who we are.
The opposite of modifying how we act to better assimilate with a group was, of course, feeling that we naturally belong to a given space. The challenge here is for those who feel they do belong to look inward at the environment their groups create, or they themselves may have the power to create, and ask, “Does everyone feel as if they belong here? Are we leaving room for everyone to feel welcome and comfortable?”
What does it mean to belong?
The title of his talk that day was, “What is Belonging — Really?” And that’s an extraordinary question. I mean, what is it? What does it truly mean to belong to something?
Think about it, if I were to ask you, “What’s the weather going to be like today?”, you would likely pull out your phone, pop open the pre-installed weather app, and lob some meteorological details my way. That’s an example of a question that you’re ready to respond to. But, if I were to ask you, “What does belonging mean to you?”, I’d hazard a guess that there wouldn’t be an automatic answer. The question is now not about something with an objective answer, but about what something means to you.
When I was at my old company and the focus of our ERG work that year was on the word “belonging,” I noticed how a word can suddenly be both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I knew the word yet didn’t know what it really meant to me.
If you were to ask me to define “belonging” for you, I’d likely have no problem trying to think about the word’s formal definition, maybe trying to work in what it means through context. My answer would be my honest answer. But, if you asked me if I feel like I belong, that would probably give me pause. As I imagine it, I’m not sure I’d know how to answer right away. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t be honest with you, but you can see how vastly different defining a word is from reflecting on the embodiment of the word itself, belonging’s presence in real-world form. To me, it’s a striking difference and a difference worth reflecting upon.
I guess it’s too late for me to say that I’m not trying to get all “deep” on you, here? Whoops. Oh well, I’ll just keep going with it.
Kim Samuels wrote in Psychology Today about how Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs comments on belonging, with Maslow describing it as the need for “friendship, intimacy, family, and connection.” We want to connect with others in a genuine manner, aligned and attuned to the group. Samuels herself describes belonging in a beautiful way, stating,
Belonging is a principle that gets to the essence of what makes us human.
*Chef’s kiss* 👩🍳
So, if belonging is part of what makes us human, how do we handle belonging at work?
I added “changing careers” to the title of this post because, as a career changer, that’s where I go to first when I think about belonging in the workplace. Going from absolutely feeling like I belonged as a music teacher and musician, to feeling like an outsider in the world of tech, is an easy example for me to share with others. Many other kinds of career shifters, though, may be able to relate with the struggles of belonging:
Former military members, transitioning into the civilian workforce
People going back to school, feeling the struggles of being an adult student while also juggling the pressure of launching a new career
People jumping from one company to another within the same field or role
A person switching teams within the same company, still in the same building, yet leaving behind what’s familiar
These are but a few of what I’m sure could be countless examples of when times of transition force us to reckon with belonging. Even if we’re not conscious of our efforts that propel us to belong, like a finely tuned algorithm we are immediately absorbing, processing, and deciding our behaviors whenever we join a new workplace environment. We want to be a part of the group and we want others to know that we’re invested, same as them.
In his talk, Roy Gluckman talked about how the responsibility for belonging falls on both the individual’s shoulders and that of the organization’s leaders:
Leaders are responsible for creating a welcoming space where people feel they are free to belong as themselves, and
Members of a group, especially those who feel as if they belong, have a precious role to play in ensuring that a welcoming environment is built and maintained
There’s a third point to be made, too, I feel, where people need to give themselves grace and allow themselves to see that they deserve to belong.
Imposter syndrome — Belonging’s evil step-sibling
Even in the most welcoming of spaces, if you do not allow yourself to believe that you can belong, you may mistakenly kneecap your ability to grow. Doubt can seep into how you view yourself, your skills, and how much you deserve to occupy a given space. Just like in the picture above, you can find yourself alone in a lake of self-isolation. If this were a scary movie script, this is when that foul beast, imposter syndrome, would enter the room.
Imposter syndrome is that kid in class that’s always stepping on the heels of the shoes of belonging, laughing as belonging trips in the hallway.
The modern business world is rife with talk about imposter syndrome (or, as one National Institute of Health page lists it, “Imposter Phenomenon” — love it). Imposter syndrome occurs when an individual feels as if they do not belong where they are, regardless of whether or not they deserve to be where they are. This syndrome can afflict everyone from beginners to high-performing professionals with years of excellent achievement.
Now, please note that I am no psychologist myself, but the word “syndrome” here is not used to denote a formal, psychological condition. Imposter syndrome is just a term that has fallen into the mainstream vernacular, describing periods of time when you may doubt yourself in the professional realm. You should know, though, that:
Everyone struggles with doubt at different times in their career.
When I first changed careers, I felt that everyone would know I was a career changer, so therefore everyone would see through my facade and know I’m a fraud. My struggle with imposter syndrome was heavy and followed me like a cloud. I just knew that people would know that I’m inexperienced and unsure, in spite of my personal studies and all the hard work I put forward to develop my skills.
Then I realized this was all wholly untrue.
Not only did people actually have faith in my abilities, but most people also never had a clue that I came from a completely unrelated career path! The manager I had at my last job, whom I had known for years, had no idea (for better or for worse) that I had other degrees and fruitful experiences from a past career. Even at my current job, some people do not know my full background unless it’s shared in conversation.
In looking back to those first few years post-career change, I wonder how much more I could have grown in that organization had I simply removed some of the barriers I was imposing on myself. I wish I had freed myself from the self-imposed shackles of doubt which were doing nothing but limiting my ability to grow, to let myself feel like I did belong to be there.
One does not cut a trail to belonging solely on their own, but self-doubt may blind you to opportunities you were unwilling to let yourself see.
Allowing yourself to belong
Sometimes, something like imposter syndrome can sprinkle doubt into our day to day, posing as a heightened sense self-awareness like a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. We may think that we’re being honest with ourselves and realistic, but, in reality, we are likely being too harsh on ourselves based on unaccepted, perhaps unacknowledged, fears we still harbor. DDS Dobson-Smith, in a Harvard Business Review article, encourages us to be kind to ourselves and work towards self-acceptance of who you are and what you can bring to the table.
Working to appreciate yourself, or in the very least, working to not doubt yourself, can help you feel like you’ve removed a barbell of worry from your back.
In all fairness, there will likely be times where you realize that you do not belong somewhere and that’s okay! As Roy talked about, all of the different kinds of spaces we interact with every day either enable or disable belonging for some individuals.
Looking at our immediate spaces with honest eyes will help us be more empathetic to how others may be experiencing the worlds we live in and how we may or may not fit into those worlds, healthily, ourselves.
Recognizing areas where you do not belong can be empowering. Such recognition may lead to you seek fresh opportunities or allow you to become a catalyst for change within your organization.
Based on my no-research approach, I’d say that most of the people you work with in your day-to-day have struggled with belonging in their professional lives. Some may still struggle with feeling as if they belong, whether it be at their company in general, their team, or the position they hold.
Thinking about belonging again has helped me realize that empathy is a fantastically mighty tool that we should all keep handy more often.
Here’s hoping that we all continue working to accept ourselves for who we truly are and forge spaces that allow everyone to feel welcomed and comfortable.